Patience has never been easy for me. And I say that very lightly. God has really stretched me in this area for years and now in my mid-forties, as I look back I can easily see that those long-to-answer prayers were SO worth the wait! One of our biggest blessings was in waiting for my husband whom I met in my mid-thirties and my kids in elementary school.
Single moms reach out to me often asking me several things regarding men and their questions are all usually very similar in nature…
- Will you pray for a good man for me?
- Why can’t I find a good and Godly man?
- How did you meet your husband?
- How did you know he was the one?
- Did you wait until you were married?
- How does your marriage work so well as a blended family?
- Do you allow him to discipline your children?
- What is the relationship between your ex and your husband like?
That’s a lot to cover in one blog post! But ALL so important, especially as a single mom. Subscribe and I’ll cover the above questions each month.
Let’s start with question number one.
You’re tired of being alone. I get it. I promise you…I get it. You feel like life and the years are passing you by. You want a dad for your kids. You want a partner and best friend for life. You imagine a man for your kids to look up to. Other friends are getting engaged, married and having babies. Maybe you yearn for those moments. That’s totally normal.
Don’t allow the yearning for other’s moments to overshadow God’s desire for you.
Stay focused, sister!
God may be stretching, molding and working on the man he has for you at this exact moment.
He wants to ensure your spouse is a blessing to you and your kids,
a man of God,
a good provider,
and someone who will lead your family well and closer to Christ.
When you’re jealous for moment’s you see other couples experience and you jump into the next relationship that comes your way…you are risking the loss of the man the Lord is preparing for you.
I hear you though… Shaylah, I have been waiting and waiting. There are zero good men out there. I don’t want to find one in a bar and all the good ones are taken. Will you please pray for me to find a good man, my future husband?
And my response usually goes like this – Of course, I will pray for you, sweet mom. But how long have you been praying? Are your kids involved in this prayer request (your decision will impact their lives too, you know)? And are you willing to accept the man God has for you?
That last question is usually a bit of a surprise.
So my question to you friend is…
are you willing to accept the man God has for you?
Of course, you will, right?
If the Lord met you face to face and said ‘Dear daughter, I have worked diligently on this man to a point where he prioritizes Me above all, He will love you and care for you and your kids as an honor to Me, he will lead your family well and I will bless this marriage in ways you can’t even imagine’ – would you take this man?
Or are you looking for things in a man that may not align with the husband God has planned for you?
Would you look him up and down, maybe check out his rear, does he have a 6-pack or a dad bod? Hey, Lord, what kind of car does he drive? You know how a sexy bad boy excites me Lord, is he a bad boy? I need to ensure he’s good in bed first before I would ever consider marrying him. He’s not as hot as I would like my husband to be. How much money does he make? Is his hair, his teeth and other physical traits perfect, Lord? I need excitement, passion…he better not show any indication of being boring. Could you do something with his hair, Lord, you know I don’t date guys who are balding….come on Lord! You know this!
Or are you doubting God’s love and promises for you and maybe your thoughts sound something like this:
He’s too good for me, Lord. I am not worthy of a man so kind, loving and generous. Lord, you know the sins of my past and there is no way a man like this will want me and my kids. This man doesn’t mentally, verbally, physically or sexually abuse me…how can he be for real? I’ve wrapped my identity and value into my sexuality so much over the years that now that this man wants to wait until marriage, I feel he must not find me attractive. What’s wrong with me or what’s wrong with him, Lord.
I’m just imagining God listening to the thoughts running through your head and just shaking His. He wants you to trust in Him.
If you truly want a God designed marriage, I encourage you to do the following:
1. Pray. Ask God to completely clear your mind of the outward physical traits and characteristics you currently look for in a spouse. Ask Him to fill your heart and your mind with a man who has the attributes found in the following scripture:
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 – Love
- Colossians 1:10 – Understanding
- Ephesians 5:23 – Cherish
- Proverbs 13:5 – Honesty
- Philippians 2:15 – Blameless
- Ephesians 5:2 – Devoted
- Ephesians 5:23 – Authority
- Nehemiah 4:15 – Security
- Song of Solomon 7:10 – Sexuality
- Genesis 2:25 – Sexuality
2. Ask your children to spend some quiet time in prayer to open their hearts and minds to the qualities they would like to have in a dad.
3. On a notecard write down the qualities God has impressed on your heart and your kid’s hearts.
4. Your list can have NOTHING to do with the man’s physical appearance, his virility or anything materialistic.
5. Make copies of your list to keep in your bible, your kids’ bible, bathroom mirror, anywhere… but use it when praying each night with your children.
6. Then be patient. And when a man comes into your life, if he doesn’t meet the qualities God impressed on your hearts and into the words on your list, then move on. He’s not the one.
The enemy will mess with your heart and your mind to tell you to forget about that list. This is the man for you. If his qualities do not meet the man described on your list. He. Is. Not. The. One. Walk away and in some cases, run.
Satisfaction from a temporary relationship is no match for the man worth waiting for. Wait for him, sister!
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